Nice to be back! 

Baby JJ, had her set of immunzation last week..sob!she cried hard, my mom told me..so it is very heartbreaking for all of us to see baby JJ cry..We are used to seeing here smile and laugh...My mom said her heart broke when she saw Baby JJ hurt by the needles..I remember one time when they were still her ein Manila., baby just woke up and my mom picked her up but she accidentally said "ekekeke"...baby JJ was startled and started to cry very hard..haha!!we really pity her when she cries..Me and my mom tried to console her..she thought momsie was scolding her..so everytime she sees muder, she cries..I picked her up and tried to cheer her up..I saw my mom really heartbroken thinking that she's the reason of JJ's crying... Fortunately, after30 mins she stopped crying and was back with her old self..smiling and laughing...She's also back in Momsie's arms and she was showered with kisses...hihihi...*sigh! I miss baby!Hopefully this November I could visit her in Iloilo.

Me, Dianag and Ianne were so happy lastw eek when our Limited Edition Havaianas finally arrived!!!We waited for 2 months as it is pre-ordered online. Whiiii!!! I am not into Havs as I saw them as a simple slippers not worthy of a thousand bucks...well except of course the excellent quality of the havs slippers... But I just love my Laura Mercier Havs. I want to buy one for momsie but all are sold-out already. My business contact said pre-order has been closed and no stocks left in Saks. I tried other online suppliers but all are sold-out...*sigh! Anywayz, Maybe I'll just give her moolah this xmas as that would certainly make her smile more than anything..haha! Next in line, I am now waiting fro the arrival of my Belle DeJour planner. I tried buying it last year but all are sold-out, so this year I made sure that I ordered it before Dec. Whiiiii!!THey will be arriving 2nd week of Nov, so I'll be expecting it next week!!!!I can't wait!huhuhuhu! I'll also be expecting my elf make-up on 3rd week of Nov..whaa!totally addicted to Online shopping!*sob!

Anywayz, I have been delinquent with my bills fro more or less 3 months?And now, Iam starting to manage it. Thank god my loan is not yet delinquent as mentioned by the Credit Officer. But my ccard, I still have to manage that. I am very glad, Jun helped me with my finances. I can't imagine my fate without him. He really gave me the greatest gift in my life.!bwahahah!!!!ang cute cute baby JJ!*mwah!mwah!miss ko na si baby!

 Jun wants me to find a plce here na coz he plan to settle everything by next year..eerrrr...I had contemplated about settling with him but I believe I am not yet ready..*sigh!:( I still love my current situation. I guess I am still not ready to give up my independence...I am just happy with our current state wherein we have connection but we also have the freedom to fulfill our respective goals and plans in life... Well, lets just see..Next year is still a long way..maybe my decision will change....

My other plan is to have baby JJ to stay here with me inc ase I decide to finallys ettle with baby rabbit...I really am planning it, but when I brought up this idea to my mom and dad, I can feel they are heartbroken even if they say that whatever decsion I make, they'll go for it. They said it's up to me to decide. But I can surely feel that they are very sad in case baby Jj will stay here...My dad says they can't do anything in case I want to have baby JJ here but adding to that, he enumerated all the disadvantages of that decision..ang subtle ng fafee ko..hayyY!!! Well, it depends...I know they could take good care of baby JJ so maybe I'll just find time to go home every now and then...

much joy to my parents. Mamita and Fafito!My dad can't stop smiling whenever he sees baby..Eh ang PR pa ng baby na yan..wheeee...sabi ngfa namin kay baby mag pa PR kay Fafito kasi darating na yung pension nya...wheee...pra makabili ako ng Iphone..*jowk! I really am not into Iphone..I prefer Samsung Omnia..bwahahah   ..anywayz, diosmi..andami kong bills..I have a loan and credit card. 

I already told Jun and he said he will take care of them as soon as he arrived from HK..nahiya namana ko..sigh!hopefully he'll come back already so that my problems will be solved na..I really give him credit for being such a mature guy...Even if inaway2x ko sya dati about financial matters and sometimes I admit whims na, he never got mad even if he has all the rights to make sumbat..hihihi...

I really thank baby for giving direction to my life. Even if everything is not perfect or not the way others would see it, It is already perfect for me. I once thought that having a baby would hinder you from living ur dream life, but now that I have one, its like a motivation for me to be a better person and to strive more for my dreams.  It's liek tyou can only live now for the better. Even if I have also a lot fo roblems, whenever I think of that little tot back home, it's always a reason to smile..wheeee...

I have a lot of goals to fulfill and I am already excited!wheeee!They say prang di daw ako nanganak..hihi..I am thankful that my body easily  went back to its normal shape..not 100% but close..bwahahaha!So konting re-shaping pa...

Btw, I also have new work now. It was unexpected since I wasn't that ready to leave Trend but it's a good opportunity for me career-wise. It has also good pay. Hope it's february already..hehe! 

I also hope I may be able to fulfill my plan of working in SG. After having at least a yr of experience here in Transcom, I think I am ready to work there. One of my unfulfilled dreams is to work outside Phils..ryt now, Singapore is the best option for me..But next yr is still a long year and a lot of things could happen. But certainly, as long as the people I cared for are there, I am indestructible...:)

This is the day Jermaine Jianne Yap has arrived into this world. I've mentioned before that one of my greatest fear is giving birth. Who could blame me if they portray labor as the most painful experience a woman has to go through. I can tolerate pain but the thought of danger and uncertainty makes me anxious. I sometimes thought giving birth could be the last day of my life.

 Well, on May 29, I felt mild stomach cramps which I just brushed off. I kept waking up several times at night but I immediately doze off to sleep. The next day, I felt the cramps getting slightly stronger which last for 2-3 seconds at interbval of 20 minutes. I texted my OB and before she could reply, I had blood spotting already. Me and my mom packed up and ate breakfast. We went to the hospital and as soon as I arrived there, the cramps got stronger and at a faster rate. They interviewed me first askig for inforation as I grimaced. It's like having menstrual cramps only 10x stronger. After the irriatating interview, the nurse checked me adn said I was on 6 cm already. I waited for several minutes and they transfered me to the labor room. a 20-yr old pregnant girl keeps shouting and cursing. They said she was put to sleep but she kept waking up. The nurses laughed at her and kids her around. Now, back to my on ordeal....cramps keeps getting stronger and I heard one of the nurses said I was already on 10cm.  I remembered you are ready to give birth if you are at 10cm or higher. 

Cramps gets stronger and I started to panic especially when I learned they can't give me the initial anesthesia since I ate breakfast. I nearly shouted at the nurse that I need a meds. They said the doc to give me epidural is coming down. That's what they told me 15 mns ago..grrr...But I calmed down when the doc arrived. They transfered me to the delivery room to inject the epidural. As soona s they injected the med, I felt nothing waist down. I just lay there. Up util, baby JJ cae out and they stitched me up, I felt nothing. Btw, Pankiee called me while I am inside the delivery room..heheh..I can't answer it so I just text her and everybody that came to mind.

Oww...can't stay long..will continue next post... 

 My doc sys my baby's weight is ok...but I still have to diet!!huhuhuh...I was scared because from my last check up, I thought baby bunny's weight had already reached 7-8 lbs. Unfortunately, I verified earlier that she's just 6lbs..so its normal..I'll just have to prevent future weight gain..:)

*nomore sweets and rice..ageyn! :)

I received my very first mother's day greeting at midnight from DL. I can't believe I will be a momsie also..hihihi...I want to be a cool mom. Mother's day greetings poured during the day and can't believe I received some form my guy friends..hehe..guys are so mushy..baby rabbit also sent a mother's day greetings...:)

sigh!any moment now baby bunny will pop-out...eeehhh....hope it would be soon.

I'll be having my maternity leave on the 15th, but still I want to work..:( I can't stand staying at home with nothing to do.

Anywayz, I nearly got high-blood yesterday.  I realized what a deep liar my cuzin is.

Background:

They are 3 sisters liuving here in manila since ther aunt on their father's side supported them. Their aunt is working in the US and she even bought them a 1m+ house. All their bills, school fees, food are taken care of. They are poor and they should be lucky that everything is spoon-fed to them. Now their eldest who is about to graduate had this crazy notion that she wants to live in mandaluyong!with me!is she insane?? She tried to talk me into letting her stay there while she look for work. She then said her tita wants her out or doesnt wnat to support her anymore since she had done something bad. She webbed all these lies which are actually obvious and it disgusted me. I am generous but to some extent. I said she can live there as long as she pays the rent, food, bills, etc. I can throw her out if she gives me a bit of financial problems! and i will not hesitate to dragged her all the way to cebu if she will make my mom clean up after her. Anywayz, she also said she plans to talk to janel and bert. Who does she thinks she is, she just met them. I tood my mom, if she comes here again and tried to trick you into letting her stay her, call me and i'll put her in her place. Even if Janel and bert will permit her to stay there, I wont!

 I can't remember now when I had exactly lost my will to pursue my dreams...

Maybe it was working in Prov'l Capitol?or caught up in my life here in manila? All I can remember is that I have this huge desire to work in IT field and work abroad. That enables mo to conquer the impossible and work in Manila. But then it seems fore more than a year, that dream vanished...it's almost like I am ready to settle on hatever fate I have her, unwilling to move out of my comfort zone. Is it fear?Low self-esteem?or simply ocntented with my current life. I admit I prefer my life her in Manila than before.

Then baby bunny came along, a small flame ignited inside me and I remembered the desire to pursue my dreams.But it was just a very small flame. Then slowly I got excited to dream again. To fight for a better future. And I guess I found the final push! While looking for condos/apartment for Jun, I saw this very beautiful place. *sigh! I really want it! It's royal palm residences and it gave me that push to get out of my comfort zone and plan again my future! It revived my dream and desire to make it! Right now, I'm so fueled with desire to earn big and excel in what I do! Well I hope I could keep up with this. But seeing that dreamy place would make me want to reach out the unreachable star. I'm getting poetic and senseless..haha...

Well, here are the pics that will inspire me to be hard working and overcome my lazinesss..:)

Well, I am a strong person and I usually hih tolerance to pain..but still, I can't deny the stress and the chaleenge I have to go through. But seeeing the cute baby crib and stroller we bought, it just amps up my excitement..hihihi...

Less than a month to go and I'll be seeing my baby...this will be a new chapter in my life and its like a dream come true. The dream I never knew..I'm still tahnkful, the baby came in this moment of my life when I am ready and somewhat stable. I also thank baby rabbit for being there..but still I think even if he is not there I know I can still take care of my baby..:)

 I know our relationship will change maybe a bit but I am still not ready to commit myself to him. I still like our old set-up even if I whine a little..haha!

Right now, its like I am at a very paceful state...can't wait for baby to come out..sigh!

We were decided on this one stroller but unfortunately it was defective. They immediately grabbed the stroller when we decided to let it go..They have no idea it was defective..hehehe...we'll they were eyeing it from the start.

*sigh!can't wait to shop for baby JJ's stuff again...We still have to buy more stuff and I'm already excited!:D I think I'll have to add more baby pillows and comforters...

My gosh!the baby is so spoiled!!and she's not even out yet

Yey! It's my off tomorrow!yipeee!

Countdown to baby JJ's birthday..a little over a month and I can finally see her. Can't explain the excitement! Hope everything will be Ok. I already have her first name but still thinking of a second name. I think it will also start with letter J...hihihi...Newayz, we will be buying baby stuff on thurs. I am already excited and so is my mom but we are deabting whether we should buy a crib. My mom said we don't have to buy since she prefers to have the baby sleep in bed. She can better monitor her. But I want baby JJ to sleep on a crib. What if we stepped on her??..eek!what if we rolled over her??OMG!!motherly fears..errrr...

But depends coz my mom's the boss...she knows better than me..:)

Anywayz, I talked to my dad again> I was about to junp for joy when he talked about having a baby..he said you're "inutil" if you don't have a child. And he told me about a famous hollywood superstar who didn't have a child and was later found in the park dead since she spent her years alone. I also mentioned about what ta ana said that a child is important than a man. My dad said korek! hehehe!!!I really want to tell my dad but I have to consult my mom first..: )

 Another update, my cousin saw Jun in cebu in his Chevrolet car. My cousin went gaga over his car. Well doesn't matter to me as long he's there for baby JJ..:)